Calming tactics

In order to manage our energy well in any relationship and live our values (e.g. kindness, honesty, etc.), we need a calming tactic. When we get negatively emotionally triggered by situations, we tend to react with a negative action. This does not support excellence in our inner world or to those in our outer world. A calming tactic is that specific thing that you use to push the pause or stop button on your actions under duress. When you are able to sufficiently pause for a moment or minutes or hours or days, we calm down and are able to think about our values before we act. Then we are not in the grips of a knee-jerk reaction, rather we are able to respond with an action stemming from the rememberance of our values. This one thing will pay HUGE dividends. Since I have been meditating for many years a tactic I use is to take a deep breath or two and notice my feelings regarding a particular situation. It could be a parenting, spousal, work, or life situation so this translates across all domains of our lives. Some people use a coaching or spiritual phrase or mantra, some use a little break, some use “I” statements for what they are feeling in that moment (instead of blame). I encourage you to assess if you have a tactic or two in your pocket. How does it or they work for you? What is your experience and track record with them? If you don’t have them I encourage you to begin to develop this relational art form. As you put this tactic to the test you may find incredible results. As you step back from an emotional trigger, you get distance from it and you are able to work with it instead of the trigger controlling you and your reactions and have you falling into blame. As John Yokoyama said “Blame is a lousy teacher”. Blame keeps us in perpetual dysfunction. We cannot control the outside, but we can control our inside! This isn’t to say others aren’t doing things that we don’t like, this is life after all. But…with a calming tactic or two in your pocket you will be able to navigate life’s situations more adeptly and aligned with what you really want.